A year ago today
"A year ago today"....came up on my pictures on my phone today. Happy April Fools to me! I had no energy to play April Fools pranks on the kids this year. I'm seriously done with being "the one" to think of all the things. Surprisgingly the kids had their own pranks and I didn't have to do a thing, and I don't even feel guilty for not trying. I find as the kids have gotten older, if they have liked a tradition that my husband and I have done, then it sticks, if it doesn't thats ok too. I had a huge "aha moment" where if things change and one year we do things one way and next year another way, I've started to just be ok with it now. Covid has allowed me to be more adatapble and flexible, or maybe I always was and I was just on a comfrotable auto pilot. Does this sound familar?
Back to the picture...kids happily painting at home AKA Homeschool. That picture brings up so many feelings. First obvious feelings of happiness and the start of an attempt of me being able to keep them safe from Covid. Second, I would get to spend the days following structure with some fun mixed in with actual school work supplied from their teachers (thank god only two school aged teachers, although aside from the reading writing and math, the preschooler was very interested in the grade 2's coloring pages.) At first I made fun theme days; Star wars days, wacky hair day, character day. Weather permitting we would play outside....A LOT. I was able to sign the boys up for online acting classes which they loved because it added excitement to their day. Everyone was enjoying mommy's homeschool. Somedays we wouldn't start until 10 am, becasue mommy needed two cups of coffee before she 'taught" (turned on Netflix) let's get real now. Baking was a class and sometimes this would take hours and tech time would fill the gap and the kids could check in with friends aka language skills and communications. Laundry never became apart5 of the curriculum tho, somehow no one bought in to that one, no matter how hard I tried. Mommy school roughly lasted a month I don't even know to be honest, I think I blacked out most of it TBH (to be honest.) The remnants are in pictures and the odd paper I fond when the shelf in craft closet falls out, but I know there were calls (many) to one of my kids teachers asking her "How the fuck do I do this? I am not a teacher?"
Those were some dark, long days and budgeted monthly wine deliveries. We tried to make the hearts and tape them on the windows to support the healthcare workers, we banged pots. We didn't wear masks yet or maybe we did. Again its all a blur. I definately didn't know who I was during this time although I joked with my "mom friends" and my "neighborhood mom/friends" we ninja'd people and gave gifts which helped temporarily. We catered to the kids to keep them busy, I know I did.
Not only did covid deplete me of the safety I once knew of stepping into a grocery store, or sending my kids to school, but it created this anxiety and fear that as a Mom I could not get away from. I could not drive to the gym and workouot or do a spin class. The gym was not only closed but it was going under. They were selling treadmill number 5 on Instagram. WTAF?? I had just joined and was just getting back into a routine. I coudn't see my Housewives of Silver Valley or my Cul de Sac Housewives. The communites and women that I needed so I could function with 3 kids and feel normal again and of course our kids play together which is secondary in my opinion (sorry kids nope, not sorry.) The plans we had for camping and theme parties and ..........sigh
Well a year has come and gone and I am not homeschooling (Thank you teachers I love you), COVID is still here and the numbers are still rising but so far the kids are back in school. We now have a few vaccinnes. My mask is my new lipstick. I'm a badass and I accept my anxiety as something that is a part of me, that propells me forward and doesn't always hold me back. I am bad ass. I work with people, coaches, actors, visionaries, people that inspire me. I co authored a chapter in a fucking cool book (mombabes a Motherhood Anthology) that has sold over 21 K in pre sale and I'm a mombabe. I am acting and studying acting while taking a break from policing. I am far from a pintrest mom but If I can make it through COVID thus far so can you. We got this and I got you!