Back to school, back to sports, back to whatever running at full speed. Ok a slow jog, Slow walk, lets be honest. The schedule is back on Summer is OVER. Somewhere I missed the month of September and October is half way over. I still don't know all my kids teachers names or their new friend's. We have 3 dogs now and my floors have never been cleaner. I mop up for fun all day long. HA! Two dogs are geriatric and should be wearing depends and the puppy, well she just follows the others dogs lead. Did you buy in? I did. We (loosely) adopted that puppy.
As a mom who lives with anxiety and PTSD from an on duty injury, I have enough on my plate and can be impulsive. My kids call this FUN mom. Because there are many days where I am NOT a fun mom at all. I tell at the kids to go play downstairs so I can hear myself think. The worst is having to repeat in a louder tone (aka yell) at the simplest of things to be done. Favorite toys get taken away, especially their Technology. Then I'm not
so fun mom who sometimes takes them for surprise hot chocolate after school or "Let's adopt a dog." The kids have had to "pivot" loving this new buzz word by the way, a lot but so have we. We are physically, mentally always in motion.
There are days where I cannot get out of bed due to migraines and I cannot function and can't talk to anyone. Days when I struggle with wanting, but not being able to get the day rolling and be super cheerful and happy. Sure I take medication for the above but its damn hard. And before Covid and though Covid and whatever this phase 1804,5 is now that we are all trying to manage through in this world, I know I am not alone.
Today I am Fun Mom. I am not wearing a bra underneath my sweater and I did not have time to smell test it either (No Fucks Given). You know why? Today I let my five year eat a snack bag of Oreos for breakfast while I helped her smooth out the wrinkles in her "bumpy socks." Tried to keep my sh$t together when my son showed my his full thermos from yesterday because he was not allowed to get a fork from the office because he forgot one from home and then found out later on he lied about it. And I laughed at my middle child who questioned the validity of learning math. Oh son just go to school!
To them I am just their Mom....I will force myself to try meditation now as it is prescribed or maybe a nap.
To all of us finding ourselves again, one day at a time.